caught in autumn daydreaming

The fall is a funny, daydreamy time of the year for me. There's that rush of productivity that I still associate with the start of the school year fueled by crisp mornings and shorter days (though my school days are long behind me). There is nature's flamboyant finale before she curls into herself for a long winter repose. No matter that it happens every year, the turning of leaves into brilliant flame leaves me awestruck, as if I've never seen it before. I stop in my tracks several times a day and if I spot a particularly spectacular tree, I'm drawn back to it day after day, loathe to miss even a second of the show.
And yet, while my heart beats a little quicker for the beauty all around, it also makes me a little sad. Really, this whole lovely display is like nature's swan song as she exists stage left. Fin. There's personal sadness this time of the year too. Bad things seem to happen in the fall. So now a small knot of anxiety takes root just as those crisp mornings begin and doesn't really disappear until the first winter snow, as if to say, "OK, we're safe for another year." All this has the effect of making me feel simultaneously more alive and closer to death. Either way, the fall is always the time I feel grateful to be alive.

(P.S. Happy Birthday Debbie!)

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